When I joined the NewSpring staff and stepped into vocational ministry in 2005, I knew I had a heart condition. At the time, for some reason, I thought that this “step of faith” would be the cure for that condition. It wasn’t. In the spring of 2006 I was sitting in the same position that you gentlemen are right now and had this thought, “being ordained must be the ultimate cure for this heart condition”… It wasn’t.

My heart condition is something I have had all of my life and so have each of you. It’s the condition the prophet Jeremiah speaks of when he writes this “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). You see, I knew this was true of me before I accepted Christ as my savior… that’s why I cried out to him for help. But, I had this notion that salvation or vocational ministry or certainly ordination would be the cure for this condition… but as I have found out over the years, none of those things are a cure but more of an amplifier.

I will not try to explain the paradox that is the life of a follower of Jesus. The life that is at the same time completely forgiven and restored in our relationship with the Father but also not free from our battle with sin. I will simply state that I know this to be true from Scripture and my own personal experience.

So, what do we do?

King David knew also of this permanent heart condition. We see this in Psalm 51 where he prays for the Lord to forgive him after he, like all of us have at some point, had been found out for what he was… a sinner in desperate need of help. I love what David writes in verses 15 and 16, “For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” David knows he has done wrong and would love to make amends with God by bringing God something He would accept as payment or proof that David was sorry and wanted to change. But David knew that he could not offer God anything except a “broken and contrite heart”.

You see, the biggest danger in ministry is that we will get to do or be a part of some awesome things that at some point will tempt us. It will tempt us – when confronted with the remaining sin in our life – to offer it up to God as a sacrifice to try to say to him “look what I have done that is so good… will you take this as proof that I love you and that I am sorry”. What David knew and shares with us is that there is NOTHING we can offer to God that He will accept… Nothing except a “broken and contrite heart”.

With that said, I have learned that if I don’t actively pray for five things everyday (really just one thing with four ‘sub things’), I will lose the fight with the condition of my heart.

I have to Pray for… actually, I have to beg God to…

1. Break My Heart
Scripture shows us that in our heart lies our ultimate intent or motivation for anything we do. If I want to overcome this permanent heart condition I must beg God to break my heart so that I see things, people and situations the way Jesus does. If my heart is not broken then I will drift to the primary intent of my heart and that is to serve my own needs and to simply live to please myself.

2. Make Me Diligent
Because of my heart condition, I will drift toward ease. If I’m not careful, I will start to strive for ways to relax and just get by as opposed to actually work and work hard to honor this call on my life. Vince Lombardi once said that “the difference between successful people and others is not a lack of strength or knowledge but rather a lack of will”. Coach Lombardi is no theologian, but his principle is supported by Scripture. There are times when we simply can’t get by on what we know or our talent and have to persevere as a matter of will.

3. Make Me Thankful
My efforts will cause me to drift toward a sense of entitlement… its that nasty heart condition I have. I have to remind myself each day that nothing good or fruitful in my life has ever been earned by me… everything is a gift from God… no exceptions. Pride is the scariest of all demons and an antidote that keeps it at bey is a truly thankful heart.

4. Make Me a Good Steward
As my heart leads me, I will quickly begin to think like an owner and forget that I am, at best, middle management when it comes to everything I have. The three main areas I must steward well is my time and talent and my treasure.

I need to be reminded that when it comes to my time I must fight to steward well every opportunity to focus on my wife (& subsequently my family). I don’t believe the Lord will ever (ultimately) put my marriage at odds with my ministry. He chooses to use the metaphor of marriage to explain my relationship to Jesus. So, at what point does my relationship with Jesus put me at odds with the Father? It doesn’t. I believe I can know the condition of your relationship with God by looking at the relationship you have with your wife. For us all, our relationship with God and wife will always be in concert, never in conflict.

When it comes to my talent and treasure its this simple. In ministry I do not work a job, I steward a call. Therefore, my talent is nothing more than a gift. One that God wants to use to build his church… not my notoriety. And when it comes to “my” treasure, I need to be generous. I need to tithe and then ask the Lord “what else should I give?” And, if I’m ever in doubt (about whether or not to give)… give it away, no matter what it is. I have learned that the Lord does not bless hoarders and He has always made good on every promise in Scripture to provide for me… why should I fear giving?

5. Make Me Loving
Expressing love is tough for men. But, Jesus proved that a REAL man has a broken heart that LOVES. He even said in John 13:35 that “by this (love) they will know that you are my disciples”. So, if Jesus chose LOVE at the characteristic that distinguishes his disciples… how much MORE should it distinguish those of us who are called (by God) into and affirmed (via the church) by this thing we call ordination.

Finally, I want each of you to embrace the reality of something I have learned and come to trust. A heart that is truly broken and diligent and thankful and a good steward and loving is a powerful thing in the hands of an almighty God.

Here’s the deal, we all have dreams that are bigger than our abilities and we all have abilities that are bigger than our dreams. What I am starting to see is that the sooner I get my dreams synced up with my abilities, the sooner I will have a life that is full of purpose and accomplishment and hope and amazement and usefulness and contentment.

In the life of a follower of Jesus, this idea is even more true. The bible teaches that each of us have been given a gift (an ability) to do something that is essential and necessary for the whole Church. (Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12). If we do not use our gifts the Church will move forward because Jesus said that not even the gates of Hell could stop it, but I believe when a believer doesn’t use their gift for the Church, the Church moves forward with a limp. My own experience has shown me that its usually the gap between our gifts and our dreams that immobilize us.

Recently as I was having this battle in my own life – my dreams and abilities in conflict – I “just so happened” to be reading through 1 Corinthians… specifically chapters 12 to 14 when the following verses jumped out to me with very specific meaning:

I Corinthians 13:8
Love never fails…

I Corinthians 14:33
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace…

I Corinthians 12:22
The parts of the body that seem weaker are indispensable…

As these parts of these verses came together in my mind, in regards to this struggle between my dreams and my abilities, I began to see more clearly that the longer I keep these two things in conflict the longer I will stay frustrated and the slower the Church moves toward its purpose. Conversely, I began to see that the sooner I embrace God’s love for me (that never ends) in what He has given me the ability to do (something that is indispensable), I will live at peace and on purpose.

You see, my experience in life and in ministry has shown me that when I use my God given gifts I experience the most fun and I am the most effective. But, when I found myself trying to do things that I am not truly gifted at the outcome would be, at best, serviceable. The former producing energy and excitement and results where the latter just produced frustration and questions.

Since the first time I saw the movie “The Rookie” (in 2002, staring Dennis Quaid – a true story about a baseball player named Jim Morris) a line from that movie has really bounced in around my head. It was in an exchange between Jim’s dad and Jim as Jim contemplated trying to something great but seemingly impossible… here’s the line… “Its ok to do what you want to do until its time to do what you were meant to do.”

Now, I know that line is not in the bible and is in no way absolute truth… but… I think it does carry the spirit of what I’m talking about here. We all want a life that is full and vibrant and meaningful. We all have dreams and how if we could just do “this or that” our life would be all those things. We all should pursue our dreams with great vigor… but… as we grow and as our experiences begin to show us that our dreams are in conflict with our gifts, we need to take pause to seek the Lord and begin to do what He’s gifted us to do.

Whatever you and I are “meant to do” will produce more joy and more excitement and be more challenging than anything we simply “want to do”. Why? Well, because our biggest dream for ourselves is so much lower than what God wants us to experience.

Isaiah 55: 8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Dreaming big is trusting God with the gifts He has given us and really living life is doing exactly what He created us to do. Its in this place that “want to do” and “meant to do” become the same thing and nothing will ever be better than that… and its only in this intersection that we will truly be able to try the impossible and guarantee we will not miss the incredible.

Gen. 45: 7-8
“But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God.” – Joseph to his brothers

The reality for you and I is that we all want to be in control… all the time and in every situation. I don’t know about you, but each time my plans get shifted – even in the slightest – my frustration meter begins to heat up and frustration isn’t far behind. Why? Well, I believe the primary reason is that I am my primary reason… for anything I do.

We all ask the same basic questions… no matter our background…
* Where did I come from?
* Why am I here?
* Where am I going?

The questions themselves indicate that we want control because by securing those answers, we think, we will be able to set our own course and find our own purpose. The problem that I have found in locating the answers to those questions is that though they (the questions) are focused on me, the answers point to Someone else being in control.

We think freedom is birthed from control. As we have reign over each moment, our ability to walk in freedom will increase. I don’t know about you, but life has taught me something very different. Freedom, I have found is only birthed inside the security of a guarded path. Only the person who runs inside the boundaries set by someone who can actually guard those boundaries is truly free.

As Joseph went through dilemma after dilemma I have to believe that he would think, at times, if I could just “get out” and be free I could set a course that would make my life meaningful. But, as time passed, Joseph started to see that the physical limitations he was placed in over and over again were just a course set by the One who was actually in control. When he speaks to his brothers (quoted above), Joseph is at a place where he sees clearly that at no time were his brothers, Potiphar, the prison warden or Pharaoh ever really in control. And, obviously, neither was he.

God is always in control… there is never a second or a situation or a person that is beyond his providence and specific plan. We can never see this very well while in the midst of a struggle or confusing situation, but as we look back the picture becomes clearer… as long as we keep God as the point of it all and not ourselves.

We want to write our own story, control each chapter and make sure we have what we think is a happy ending. What I am learning is that my life is not an autobiography and I’m not the star… I love that truth AND it makes for a much better story.

I love the story of Moses and how it clearly shows the process God uses to use us.

Protected

First, Moses was protected from certain danger before he even knew he needed protecting. Moses was born at a time that would have seemed to be a certain end for him… before he even had a chance to try… but God intentionally protected Moses.

Exodus 2:5-10

Then Pharaoh’s daughter went down to the Nile to bathe, and her attendants were walking along the river bank. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her slave girl to get it. She opened it and saw the baby. He was crying, and she felt sorry for him. “This is one of the Hebrew babies,” she said. Then his sister asked Pharaoh’s daughter, “Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby for you?” “Yes, go,” she answered. And the girl went and got the baby’s mother. Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, “Take this baby and nurse him for me, and I will pay you.” So the woman took the baby and nursed him. When the child grew older, she took him to Pharaoh’s daughter and he became her son. She named him Moses, saying, “I drew him out of the water.”

Looking back over my life I can see very clearly how the Lord protected me from certain death – physical and spiritual – at times when I didn’t even know I needed protecting. I bet you could say the same thing… how do I know this? The fact that you’re reading this means He has protected you to this point… for a very specific reason.

Pursued

The bible is clear through out that no one seeks after God. God is the pursuer. He is relentless. He comes after us both for our good and ultimately for His glory. Looking back over my life I can certainly say that this is not just true from what scripture says… its true based on my own experience. Here’s what else is true for me… and I bet for you… God came after me when I least expected it and in a way that I wouldn’t have expected. He designed His pursuit specifically for me.

That’s what He did for Moses… I bet that’s what He did (or is about to do) for you, too.

Exodus 3: 1-4

Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.” When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, “Moses! Moses!”

And Moses said, “Here I am.”

Pushed

Why would God protect us and then pursue us if He didn’t have a purpose for us? I don’t think He would… He saves us to use us. Why, I really don’t know. God doesn’t need us but He has decided that for Him to secure the most glory He will use the most needy.

The problem for us – or at least for me – is that, like Moses, I don’t really want to be used. Or, I should say, I have no real desire to be placed in tough circumstances where the odds are stacked against me and I really have to trust God for things to work out. I like loving God when everything is easy and the deck is stacked in my favor. I think that’s how Moses liked loving God too.

Exodus 3: 10-14

I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.” Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?” God said to Moses, “I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’ ”

This is just the first of several attempts by Moses to get out of the whole “deliver my people” demand by God. How many times do we seek to tell God why there is a better way to do something or there is someone better to use than us or that the situation is too difficult right now and that He should wait for a better time?

What I love about God is that even though He isn’t dependent on me to do anything, He stops at nothing to get me to something He has prepared (in advance) for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). Why? I am not completely sure, but I think its simply because He loves me and wants me to have the best chance possible to love Him in the biggest way possible.

The story of Moses goes on to prove that God could use Moses to do something he didn’t think he could do AND that as a result, Moses’ love for God and his relationship with God went to places he also thought weren’t possible.

The pattern of Moses’s life – I’m starting to see – is the pattern of my life:

God’s protection – even when I can’t see it.
God’s pursuit – even when I don’t want it.
God’s pushing – even when I know I can’t do it.

Every time I say to Him, “I can’t do this…” He gently reminds me, “I know, I AM”. God loves me in THIS way – I now believe – so I can love Him more in EVERY way.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

In any relational dynamic, Jesus is the stronger person. He states clearly in this passage that he intends to use his strength to lighten our burden. I believe this is true in any situation that we submit to his authority and, of course, the primary example of this is in his paying for the sin debt that we have no capacity to pay.

I’m starting to see that Jesus not only intends to lighten my burden as I trust him, but also serve as an example of how I should be in both actions and attitude toward the people I encounter.

In any interaction, depending on the particular situation, there will be a stronger and a weaker person. I need “stronger” people to pick me up and carry more of the load when I am too weak to do it… or don’t know how… or simply can’t find my way. Conversely, I need to be quick to recognize and be ready to respond when I can do the same for other people.

Jesus didn’t get frustrated with me because I couldn’t make a way to him. He, with great compassion, made his way to me. He covered the gap I never could have. My relationship with Jesus isn’t balanced… he is is the stronger person and so he carries more of the load. ( Just to be clear, in regards to my sin, I believe he carries the WHOLE load.)

So, if we are to follow the example of Jesus… when you are the stronger person, you must be willing to carry more of the load.

Oh yeah…

AND… not be frustrated by it but embrace the fact that God has equipped you for the task or the situation or the person.

Jesus is in a constant posture to take my burdens and make them lighter. I need to have that attitude when I’m called upon to carry the burden of someone else… because… at some point, someone will (and has) do that for me.

Jesus taught us and demonstrated for us that we are to do the opposite. That’s the gist of the whole Sermon on the Mount and the whole of Jesus’ human experience. During his time on this earth he lived everyday not to prove himself but to prove God. Think about it, how often did Jesus refrain from exerting his authority – prove himself on the spot – to instead trust God with the moment and allow God to prove himself faithful in the end? Jesus did this without fail because his trust in his Father was greater than his need to prove himself capable of handling the situation on his own.

I know that God equips us to do great things and sometimes when that happens it will bring attention our way. My point here is not that we will never exert great effort and be seen by those around us as having done something well and thereby gain some form of recognition. Every miracle Jesus performed was at the leading of God and every act of Jesus drew huge amounts of attention. But, we never see Jesus acting to gain attention… as a matter of fact we often see him running from the attention that came his way due to his actions… why? Even though he was God he didn’t see value in proving himself as a man but in elevating the power of his Father so that at the right time he would receive his due reward… from his Father… not instantly from men. (Phil 2:5-11)

I hate how often I strive to prove myself capable of handling a situation instead of seeing it as an opportunity to prove my trust in God. There really is only one reason I would do that… its because at that moment I value the instant reward of men over the ultimate reward of God.

My hope is that as I walk forward through this life that I will seek to prove God and not myself. Recognizing the momentary rush that pride brings in a success will, in time, feel like agony compared to the everlasting pulse of joy provided by a Father who has proven himself to me.

In chapters 17 and 18, I was really struck by how much my life is similar to Abraham’s.

God gave Abram a new name.

Abram fell facedown, and God said to him, “As for me, this is my covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations. No longer will you be called Abram ; your name will be Abraham…” – Genesis 17:3-5

Abraham reverted to his old ways.

And Abraham said to God, “If only Ishmael might live under your blessing!” – Genesis 17:18

God’s grace and greatness prevailed.

Is anything too hard for the LORD? – Genesis 18:14

Just like Abraham, I was confronted by God because He wanted to give me a “new name” and set a new direction for my life. He saved me by His design through the blood of His son for the sake of His name and for a specific purpose. (Ephesians 1 & 2)

Just like Abraham, I have found myself offering God my suggestions on how to short cut His plan when I couldn’t see how things could possible workout the way God told me they would. I can’t tell you how many times I have offered God my “Ishmael” because of my lack of trust in Him coming through with His “Isaac”.

But!

Just like Abraham, I have seen God reject my simple, man made suggestions and prove that “nothing is too hard for the LORD”. God will not compromise and He will not accept a lesser way and He will not re-direct His plan for me. He has made me wait, for sure, but He has never failed me and He has never failed to do exactly what His word says He will do. He is too gracious and too great.

I am so thankful for a God who isn’t moved by my weak minded and trust lacking suggestions. God does as God says He will do and just like Abraham neither you or I can stop Him because He has promised to finish what He starts (Philippians 1:6).

So, just like Abraham… I’ve been given a new name and no matter how often I revert to my old ways, God will prove His grace and greatness.

Today Cherie and I celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. I have been in love with this girl since I was 15 years old and my love for her has only increased over the 26 years since. The one thing I know for certain is that, in many ways, she has been the best literal representation of Jesus to me. More than anyone I have ever known she walks with and like Jesus so consistently. She has also served both as my “holy spirit” and my “savior” on too many occasions to mention.

Over the years I have seen that she (though she would strongly disagree) is my physical, emotional and spiritual example of a perfect woman. The verse listed above has become something that I can say to her with complete integrity and authenticity. She, to me, is without flaw and that is because I know God made her specifically for me.

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.

No where in scripture does it say anything close to “She who finds a husband finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” In reality – at least as far as I can tell – if there was a scripture that addressed this it would more likely read, “She who is burdened with a husband finds a bum and obtains a curse from the LORD.” Even though this would hold true for us, Cherie treats me like a king and always acts like I’m a gift to her… now THAT is amazing grace!

I, by God’s mercy, found a wife who by every measure is incredible and because of that I live with the greatest favor the Lord could ever show any person. I am so thankful for Cherie and for our 20 years of marriage… Every year gets better, more exciting and when I think it isn’t possible, I realize that I love her even more.