Back in October I shared some of the questions I was asking myself in this post. I’m still wrestling with those questions, but as I review them they seem like (in the words of my good friend Brad Cooper) “weak sauce” compared to what God has been pressing down on me about these last few weeks… especially the last few days. So, for whatever reason… maybe for accountability … maybe out of pride… but at some level a desperate longing to be able to speak these words with Paul with authenticity… I place before you what I’m asking myself today:
Philippians 3: 7-11
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Do I…
fast, give and pray with consistency in hopes of seeing Jesus more clearly or to be a obedient Christian?
give attention to peoples notoriety or their integrity?
honor dollar amounts or commitment levels?
give sacrificially or just more than most?
does my heart break over those I know who don’t know Jesus or do I crutch on my belief in God’s sovereignty to save them?
do I mistake emotions for worship?
focus more on my leadership skills at work (where I’m a good leader) than I do on my leadership skills at home (where I’m marginal at best)?
really recall where I was when God saved me before I cast judgment on someone else?
seek to help others by getting my hands dirty or rest on my support of those who do?
project peace and joy when I’m in front of other people but lack it when I’m alone with God?
see my life as Christ and death as gain?
I’ll end by asking the same questions I asked at the end of the “Motives” post… quoting myself… pride at a HNL or transparency with my struggle? I have rephrased it, however, in the first person.
If my heart could be opened up and inside I could actually see a physical representation of all that is in it… what would I find at the center? What would occupy the most space? Would I find Jesus there or would I have to move a lot of other stuff or people out of the way to then find him shoved into a small corner? Only I… and God… know the answer to that question.
Shane,
I appreciate the incredible transparency that you are willing to show in this blog, especially this post…Your thoughts have helped me realize the necessity of being honest with myself and the need for self-evaluation during this time of prayer and fasting.
Thank you for your willingness to be honest and forthcoming.
Always be honest with yourself. There is no question about it. Integrity is key. Nice post.
Shane,
Every time you raise the bar for yourself, you create in me a desire to challenge myself to new levels of commitment and action.
Few times have I read your posts and not been convicted to step up my efforts in my personal development.
And never have I read your posts and felt you were challenging anyone more than yourself.
To me, that is the mark of a true leader and what leadership really demands, but often lacks.
Thanks for that…
Thanks Chip!